Claro que precisa de uma homenagem ao nosso rei do ringue, Dee Dee Ramone. Para '"brotar" o dia, trago aqui um trecho que, acredito, será inédito para quase todos os nossos leitores.
Christopher Keeley é um advogado, escritor, e psicoterapeuta. Desde 1984, ele tem uma clínica de reabilitação para usuários de drogas. Durante o período de 1987 e 2007, ele esteve escrevendo um livro chamado Addict Out Of The Dark And into The Light, que trás palavras de entrevistas inéditas de celebridades que passaram por sua sala de consulta, e dentre eles, está Dee Dee Ramone.
Trago aqui um trecho que, acredito, será inédito para quase todos os nossos leitores. É uma parte da entrevista de Dee Dee Ramone que foi lançada no livro. Considerando que Keeley tirava fotos de seus pacientes, vendo a foto de Dee Dee Ramone (que por sinal, é bem conhecida) pode-se notar facilmente que compreende-se de um período entre 1986 e 1988.
No link a seguir, você encontra a versão original (em inglês) da entrevista. Aqui no Blog faremos uma adaptação ao português, para melhor entendimento. Enjoy! Gabba Gabba Hey!
(full english here)
"A vontade de me drogar era grande, mas a vontade de ser amado também. Procurei uma garota ideal, alguém que me amasse, uma família, algum tipo de normalidade na minha vida anormal."
Eu me sinto um milagre por ter conseguido ficar limpo. Ontem, quando estava indo à cidade com Monte pra me juntar à banda, eu tinha 100 dólares no meu bolso, and the van parks on 10th Street and Third Avenue for about an hour to wait for the guys to show up to go to the gig. And you know I started to get some urges to get some drugs. Esse era meu velho padrã ode vida quando era um viciado em maconha e cocaína. Eu costumava fazer coisas como roubar dinheiro da bolsa de minha esposa, e também pedir dinheiro emprestado para Monte, sempre que eu arranjava uns 30 dólares ia correndo comprar 4 gramas de cocaína e o resto de maconha ou algo parecido.
And you know I just thought it was a miracle that I could, that I just went to the deli instead and bought a dollar can of soda and gave myself a little pat on the back and I said, "Boy, you know you're really okay," because it was one of the first times I faced an urge where there was really a possibility of getting high. And I say my serenity prayer and I think about how good I have it, not being an addict, and how horrible it was.
And it is a miracle that I can go through a little situation like that and then not run to the cop man and get some substance. But, ah, I'm really having a strong backbone in my recovery, with my friends. And that morning I had called a friend up and asked him to come to a meeting with me, which was really a great experience, because usually we just meet at the meetings. And there was a good speaker. I spoke there last week, last Sunday, one of the first times I have ever spoken, and I thought I had a good message of hope, you know, like when, ah, I went to the gig in Baltimore.
That day I was rewarded by God. Usually I would look -- especially if I had money in my pocket -- I would like look around the club, asking the bouncers or maybe a fan or something, to get me some drugs and they would appear one, two, three, after a lot of scheming, and I would get high in the bathroom before I went on stage.
And it used to be an awful experience, going on stage that way. I felt like I was straight jacketed into what I was doing, you know, I wasn't free, I wasn't feeling the music, I wasn't myself. I was just a drug addict up there on stage. And I guess I was always giving a good show, but it wasn't a spiritual show like it could be because I didn't go on with a good feeling. I went on stage with a feeling of desperation. And last night my old coke dealer -- he works for us -- came up to me and said, "Do you want to see this girl? She has something for you. She is in recovery. " And, you know, I said, "Okay." It would give me someone to talk to and I wanted to talk to the other members of the band and have a little recovery meeting with them, but they didn't want to go for it, and I felt in the mood to talk to someone in recovery. So she came up there and I was surprised. She was very pretty. I thought she would be kind of dooffy. I don't know why, because there are pretty women in recovery. But I am married and I had no thoughts of being with her or anything. It was just nice to talk to a nice lady. And she said, I asked her, "How could you tell I was in recovery?" And she said, "You know, I could tell from your music." Which two songs that impressed her was one I wrote called "The Garden of Serenity" and the other was called "I Wanna Live."
And she could tell from that, and I was kind of flattered, and I got Mark in there -- our drummer, who has four years of recovery -- and we brought out a Recovery book and we read "staying away from the first drink" because we are all alcoholics as well as addicts. And we had a little meeting before we went on stage instead of getting high.
Mark and I used to take Quaaludes and cocaine and beer and pot and this was all before we stopped doing heroin. We were heroin addicts from the time we were fifteen years old till the time we were in our thirties. We spent a good fifteen years of our lives addicted to heroin. Then we gave that up and started drinking.
E agora estou limpo por 4 meses, 3 semanas, e 2 dias. Realmente acho que seja um milagre. Depois do show de ontem a noite fui para meu quarto -- o que eu fazia normalmente era, ah, depois de dar uma checada nas minhas coisas no quarto, eu descia as escadas as vezes para pegar carona com algum fã para algum lugar que eu conseguisse heroína, ou talvez pedisse a algum deles para já me trazer alguma droga, ou até um rolinho de papel qualquer com uma maconha dentro, que estava bom para mim.
E também no backstage, havia um traficante chamado Les. Ele era dos bons, e estava tentando nos levar a uma grande festa em sua casa. Ele ficou dizendo: "Você pode ter a droga que quiser comigo. Eu tenho tudo." E o cara estava muito bêbado como sempre, e estava com sua namorada, que estava limpa. Ela estava bêbada, mas se dizia limpa por não usar cocaína a dois meses. E eu disse a ela, "Bem, você rompeu." Eu disse, "Bem, você rompeu sua sobriedade, você bebeu."
And she kept on insisting that she didn't have an alcohol problem that only three beers got her smashed. And she was pretty smashed -- she had had six of them -- and I just got kind of angry with her and didn't want to talk to her. I don't like to talk to people who are high. You know: "Come back and talk to me when you are straight." I guess that's not a very loving attitude of me, because I've had to hang onto another addict's coattails when I was crashing off of speed or coke and tell them my life story, especially my wife, which my life is. I began using when I was about fifteen. I grew up in the service, as an Army brat in Germany, and I lived my first fifteen years in Berlin. Then my parents got divorced. And my mother took me and my sister to Forest Hills, Queens, in New York City. And I got a job in a supermarket as a stock boy. And the first thing they asked me when I was in the basement -- the other guys that worked there were shooting up smack and I didn't know what smack was but I -- they were all laughing and acting like it was great. And it was wonderful. And it seemed to be so special. So I skinpoped a dime of it and it was an immediate love affair that lasted fifteen years. And I became very strung out and I immediately devoted my life to taking drugs.
And by the time I was sixteen I was in a lot of trouble and I had to leave town. So I hitched a ride to Route 80 in New Jersey and started hitchhiking out to California. There I ended up in jail for a while -- in South Bend, Indiana, and when I got out of jail I hit the road again and started going to L.A.
And when -- just before I hit the city limits -- one of my last rides was from a guy who was in the National Reserves or something and he had a lot of mescaline on him and he turned me on to a couple of tabs of mescaline.
And I came into the city of L.A. blooming on mescaline and tripping my brains out. And there I would sleep on the side of the road and off exits, in the grass, behind a tree or something. On the street, I would sleep on the street, and I would wander around the city. And finally after a few days I hitchhiked up to Route One on the coast highway, and hitchhiked up to Big Sur, to Pfeiffer Park, and I was turned on to a bunch of speed by some kids there in a car, and I was turned on to LSD while I was there, and I stayed there a while, just sleeping in the woods with no blanket or anything, no money or anything.
Finally I came back to L.A., to Culver City, and I had a little money. I had about fifty dollars, and I rented a room in a welfare hotel for about two weeks. And the urge for drugs was pretty strong and the need for love was pretty strong. I wanted a girlfriend or someone to love, a family, and some kind of normalcy in my life.
But instead I met a guy who would -- was trying to teach how to mug people, and eventually I ended up as a prostitute, as a male prostitute in Hollywood, and eventually I lived with this guy, Jim, for a couple of months in his apartment. And Jim was a record producer and he had a bad legal alcohol problem and pill problem. He was legally addicted to Tuinals and Seconals and Valium.
And there I got into taking a lot of pills, and into the world of hustling, and it was an experience of total misery. I didn't know what I wanted. I just wanted a roof over my head and I wasn't really gay and I didn't like sleeping with men. But I had a drug habit to support and an alcohol habit to support and that's how it started.
Finally, I moved back to New York, in total confusion, with a blossoming drug habit. And in New York I started working as a mail clerk, got hooked up with my old friends from Forest Hills who were using heroin. And that's what we all had in common. We were young and had no direction in life and we were abused children and victims of divorce families and none of us were interested in any education or joining the Service, because Viet Nam was going on and we didn't want to cut our hair, and we just became junkies.
And I would work as a mail clerk in the daytime and that didn't give me much money because it was a low paying job, to support an apartment in Manhattan and a drug habit, a heroin habit. And at night I would go to the street corner called 53rd Street and Third in Manhattan and hustle and pick up men and go to their homes for twenty dollars and have sex with them so I could buy a couple of bags of dope. And this went on for a few years and I became a miserable full blossom drug addict. All the friends I circularized with were hustlers and addicts. And then I somehow -- I hooked up with some friends from Forest Hills, my old friends there, and they were like into drugs and into music the same type of music I was into -- the New York Dolls were on the scene and they sort of brought us together.
Nós todos tinhamos lugares para irmos ver as bandas que gostávamos. isso era o início da era Glitter, quando as sapatos de plataforma e o corte de Rod Stewart , você sabe, era o que havia de mais glamuroso na cena Glitter e suas bandas correspondentes -- e um motne delas eram inglesas.
E de alguma maneira saíram daí os Ramones. Acabamos ficando juntos sempre. Nós não eramos virtuosos, não tocávamos nada demais, apenas colocamos sorte no lance de ter a banda. Fizemos o melhor de nós, então começamos a tocar no Ceebee -- apelido para CBGB's -- na Bowery.
Eu amei a idéia de começar a banda, porque começamos já num local famoso em Nova York, tocávamos quase toda noite, praticamente o cultuávamos. E nós gostávamos muito das garotas da cena underground de New York.Passamos a tomar conta da demanda que era antigamente dos New York Dolls por ali. Não podíamos assumir isso, mas ficamos tão famosos que se assumiu por si mesmo.
Vivi 4 anos com Connie numa vida completamente de junkie, andando pra lá e pra cá de madrugada na cidade, procurando por mais drogas, passando semanas viciado em heroína para depois ir pro esquema de metadona, pois a coisa saía do controle.
E finalmente eu a deixei. Me livrei de Connie. Foi bastante difícil, pois ela não me queria deixar ir. Mas ela estava muito deteriorada, então iniciei minha aventura para me livrar das drogas.
E então eu conheci Vera, minha esposa, que era diferente de qualquer garota que eu já havia estado antes. Ela era linda e era uma pessoa maravilhosa. Nos primeiros dois anos do nosso casamento eu continuava viciado em heroína. Vera me ajudou a me distanciar dos meus amigos junkies, até que me apresentou à clínica Odyssey House em Nova York. A Odyssey - era uma programa clínico residencial, e nessa época eu era um famoso rock star, com um grande hábito de drogas, vivendo num mini-apartamento no Queens,torrando todo o meu dinheiro com drogas.
E nesse exato momento em que estou contando essa estória, tenho quatro meses, 3 semanas e dois dias limpo, onde não usei drogas ilegais e nem sequer toquei em uma bebida, da qual eu tenho uma grande luta. Eu passei por uma depressão grave, que durou cerca de sete semanas, onde eu tinha que praticamente ficar numa camisa de força e lutar com um leão por dia para não usar nenhuma droga.
Se eu encontrar ou tiver conhecimento de qualquer substância nova, que consiga alterar o humor, estarei fazendo uma retrospectiva no meu antigo estilo de vida miserável de um viciado e posso perder tudo o que tenho, minha mulher, meu dinheiro, meu carro, minha família, minha casa, meus amigos e até minha vida, e morrer como um mendigo drogado na Bowery. E essa é a minah única opção se eu não ficar longe das drogas. A morte e a miséria, e não quero isso na minah vida. Então vou ficar por aqui para ficar limpo pelo menos um dia - e o máximo que eu puder."
Bem pessoal, não deu tempo, infelizmente, de traduzir tudo. Fizemos o possível, porém o tempo foi insuficiente. Peço desculpas em nome do Blog pela inconveniência.